The Quest for Intimacy


Last night, a friend asked me to go to Janesville with her, and previous to her picking me up, I had read an article titled, "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This." Maybe you've seen it floating around social media, but if not, it's worth the read. It discusses how people can quickly fall in love with people via these 36 questions that accelerate intimacy. In my quest to being closer to my loved ones this year, I looked up the questions and did them with my friend in the car on our trek to Janesville. While answering them, I realized something: the more intimate the question, especially pertaining to complimenting one another, the more uncomfortable and giggly we became. This could be because we're new friends (about two or three years now) or perhaps saying five positive things about each other was hard for a few reasons:

  1. you're admitting something you like about that person that you may normally keep to yourself because it's a trait you wish you possessed
  2. you fear not being able to come up with five and appearing an asshole
  3. you think maybe it's silly to list things your friend may already know about themselves and thus finding it unimportant to express

But you know what? My friend did tell me a few things I thought about myself, but when she explained why they were positive, I teared up because sometimes, I ponder those qualities and wonder if maybe they annoy people or make me appear conceited or hold me back in life because maybe one is a quality I obsess over or feel like I obsess over. To see myself through someone else was incredible and made me sigh a breath of relief that who I am is actually seen and appreciated. Is this normally something I fret about? Not really, but it doesn't make it any less nice.

Imagine how many people don't ever get asked anything. AND think about how this friend and I are still able to learn new things about each other and how we perceive each other after three years.

I then did these questions with my husband, and he said, genuinely, "I think I'm falling in love with you all over again." We're celebrating our 11 year dating anniversary this April.

If these questions were asked in a silent room with you and the other person facing each other, paying 100% attention to one another, alternating asking the questions, I can conclude, whole-heartedly, that you will grow closer. What a beautiful place the world would be if we took time to slow down, pay attention, and keep ourselves open.

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