I apologize for my absence, though I know it doesn't worry readers as much as it worries the writer. Simply, I've spent more time with pen and paper, journaling daily in my own private world. I only want to apologize because I honestly don't know what to do with this blog. Truthfully, I don't know where to go with The Body Project, if I'm going anywhere at all with it. I've questioned, since my last entry on February 27th about the mini gallery at UW-Waukesha, whether to end this blog and begin a new one centering around all thoughts, ideas, and projects rather than just The Body Project, maybe call it Love Body, Mind, and Spirit or Self-Love or Healing the Self. The Body Project brought me to a new place with myself and in life, which I expected (because everything always brings us somewhere), but didn't plan. It brought me deeper within myself and actually pulled me away from my shell, in a good way. To a certain extent, healing and self-love begins with accepting the skin you're in, but it's also about being aware of and present in the moment with who you are, what you are, the thoughts you do or don't have, the people to whom you're speaking and listening, and the way you treat yourself body, mind, and spirit.
As I stated in that last entry, being an advocate of love is difficult and doesn't come with an instruction booklet or a trainer. I'm left to my own devices to clamber about finding ways to advocate what I so strongly believe.
One thing I recently thought of is how stuck one can feel when they aren't wholly being themselves. So, I've decided to be myself with all of you, to let you know that:
1. I cry at anything having to do with love, especially if the music is moving.
2. I'm obsessed with murder mystery novels, particularly Tess Gerritsen's.
3. I write poetry mostly about quick glimpses into a person's suffering related to relationships, self-growth, and death.
She sweats paint
from wrinkled skin--
brush bristles frayed
like her split ends--
as she strokes the broken heart
on the empty canvas.
Her other half rots
beneath river bed rubble
as she glops moss
over rocks of unanswered prayers.
If only she could paint
the rabid bits of time
that devour her.
If only she could paint
the time he was red
and made her the moon.
4. I love astrology...a lot...and find it an incredible source for looking at people and situations in a way I may not have tried before for the sake of understanding more deeply.
5. I believe in the power of deep breathing and positive thinking because I am prone to anxiety.
6. I believe that honesty and communication are the two most important things to practice in every relationship, even if sometimes the truth hurts. Withholding truth hurts more.
7. Too many cloudy, rainy, or snowy days depress me, though I always try to find the beauty in them.
8. I am kind of a germaphobe, particularly when I know someone has had or was in contact with someone who had the stomach flu or even mentions that their stomach hurts.
9. I think making people work 8+ hours a day is bullshit.
10. I believe in the power of healthy food related to healing body, mind, and spirit.
11. I have wanderlust.
12. I wish getting high didn't make me anxious.
13. I am currently overcoming a fear of astral projecting after realizing that I was trying to do it without my conscious knowledge.
14. I believe that our thoughts are both our best friend and our worst enemy depending on how we respond to them.
15. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle tipped the awareness scale for me and opened my eyes to the power of presence in the now.
16. I believe that nature heals.
17. I like to swear.
18. I believe I once was or will come back as a cat.
19. I want to help others find peace within themselves.
20. I know that in the presence or absence of all these things, I'm still me.
So tell me, friends. What do I do with this?
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