The past seven days have been a challenge in the self-care department. It was a week where everything that could go wrong, did. A week where truly, one of the hardest things to do, was stay positive, no matter how much I tried to care for myself. On Monday, I had blood tests done (5 vials worth) to find out if I have indicators of an auto-immune disorder, thyroid problems, or Lyme disease.
They told me they'd have results in 3-5 days. I'll spare you the wait I endured. Indicators show I might possibly have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Turns out (I am told Mother's Day) that two people in my extended family history have had RA. This doesn't make me feel better, but it does. Now I wait a month to see a specialist to discuss the results further.
In the days of waiting for my results and post results...
I go back on my OTC, off brand allergy pill.
things I own break...like big things...my washer, and the stove is on its way out the door.
orders I made the previous week are incorrect so I have to reorder.
I develop a yeast infection (why I stopped taking the allergy pill to begin with) so I stop it. Sorry for TMI, but I'm practicing being an open book. Plus, it's a service announcement about cheap products.
I have lunch with family after hearing from the doctor and tear up at the table while on the phone with my husband who says everything's going to be okay.
I receive a care package from a friend that lifts me in a moment I'm falling.
I have a big hiccup in my business that I stress hardcore over fixing... because good business practice and customer service.
I manage to notice symptoms of and simultaneously eliminate a UTI (or bladder infection) by downing 8oz of water with thyme and lemon essential oils.
I spend a pleasant Mother's Day with family and good food...
...after which I return home and take a detox bath.
Late that night, I wake with a sinus infection (or a cold...with me, they pretty much go hand in hand nowadays...my third in the past two months) and chills. I sweat out a fever. I barely eat. My muscles turn to stone. My brain drains out my eyes. And I forget to breathe. This could all be a result of the detox bath (flu-like symptoms do happen if you have major yeast die off or other harsh toxins exiting your body) or I've really worked myself into sickness.
So now I'm angry. I want to HULK SMASH! until there's nothing left in me to Hulk smash anymore.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking, Yeah. This is exactly how you should treat your body if you possibly have an auto-immune disorder. I hear chronic tension and stress are super beneficial.
I remind myself that it's okay. Hulk smashing is a necessary step. Forgive yourself. Eat your greens, diffuse those essential oils, take your damn detox bath because holy shit you need it, word vomit into a journal, and write a list of a million things you're grateful for in the midst of all of the ugly.
Cry it out. Remember who loves you. And most importantly, remember it's only one week in a bajillion weeks. That little reminder can pull you out of Hell so fast you'll wonder why you even worried about anything in the first place.
Don't judge yourself. If you're trying, you're not failing.
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