Life, lifes. We know this. And sometimes, when life lifes harder than we’re used to, we can start to feel trapped and stuck, which leads to being harder on ourselves, maybe wishing we weren’t in the body, relationships, or life that we’re in. Normal, but also, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Something about the recent election results got me thinking about how much time we spend hoping people outside of us will change the shitty system we live in (sorry not sorry, it’s true, I don’t care what side of the political spectrum you’re on, the current system sucks). Outsourcing our power is why we’re in the mess we’re in. Don’t get me wrong, we need good leaders all over the world. But also, if we don’t become good stewards of our own personal world, the larger system won’t change. I believe this deeply.
Over the last few years, I experienced unbelievably expansive moments, even if short-lived, that rarely relied on anything outside of me and despite all the toxic crap happening out there. So as I considered how not to outsource liberation, I was inspired to look at what keys have worked for me to feel liberated in my own skin, relationships, and life that I hope inspire you to bring your power back to you.
Use Uplifting Self-talk: To dismantle systems of oppression, begin with how you oppress yourself with your own self-talk. Does it harm? Or does it uplift? Can you stand in front of a mirror and say, “Hey you beautiful, talented, badass. I love you so much. Keep kicking ass” and actually mean it? It’s fucking hard, but the more you keep practicing and embodying that self-love, the easier it gets.
Respond in Conflict: Pay attention to how you show up in conflict in intimate relationships - are you reactive most of the time (I say mostly cuz sometimes reactions happen…we’re human!) or do you respond from a place that says, I may disagree with you, but I won’t seek to punish you, make you feel small, or try to prove you wrong?
Take Accountability: When you take accountability for your actions, do you acknowledge how you harmed, and then make the necessary change moving forward, or do you defend yourself, shut down/explode, blame the other person, and then do nothing to change your behavior moving forward? Taking accountability is also required with ourselves. Are we aware of how we create our own suffering and work to stop that?
Build Your Nervous System’s Capacity to Tackle Life: Do you actively work on the capacity within your nervous system to hold the life you have and want knowing life will life, but you’ll be ready to handle it? This looks like learning the nuances of your personal fight, flight, freeze, and fawn and how you can bring yourself back to center as easefully as possible so you’re not controlled by your fear, anger, shame, grief, etc.
Live According to Your Values: Does your life look like how you want the world to look according to your values? If not, begin now! Spend money on businesses you want to see thrive. If you want more love in the world, act from a place of love? You get the picture!
Accept Where You Are: This goes for both easy or more challenging places in life! This does not mean excuse bad things happening to you or in your environment. It does mean telling yourself, Okay, I’m here, this is what’s going on, this is my current reality, and I love myself despite (or because of!) what is going on. Now, I would also like to take steps to get to A, B, or C. The point is to never treat yourself like shit and hate your life because there’s a different life you’d rather be in. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Right now. Right where you are. Accept it. Acknowledge it. And then take empowered action for your next step without attaching to any outcomes.
Be More Pro & Less Anti: The longer you live your life resisting everything you’re anti, the less room you leave for what you are pro. Start leaning into pro and practicing those pros like your life depends on it. For example, constantly saying I hate X, Y, & Z doesn’t change X, Y, & Z, but saying I love D, E, & F generates more of that in your life, and the more that happens, the less all the others happen. The more people focus on their pros, the more that is generated in the world.
Stop Caring About How You’re Perceived: I mean, unless you don’t treat people well, then maybe start working on that, but truly, though. You owe no one an explanation for what you need and want for yourself. You don’t need to manage another person’s judgement of you by mincing words rather than speaking your truth (thoughtfully, of course, without harm).
Indulge in Pleasures & Joys: Full stop. That’s it. We have been gifted with being able to experience pleasure and joy in their myriad of forms. What are yours? Get deeply curious about what lights you up and add more of it to your life. LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO.
Rest Without Earning It: Another full stop. You are not a machine. You don’t HAVE to do anything first (except maybe feed a child too young to feed themselves or because you have to go to the bathroom).
Discover Your Resources & Community Support: Get out there and find who and what supports as you work on all of the above. I know I said all of these were how not to outsource our power, but this one goes without saying. Community and the resources available to you are meant to be the added oomph to the liberation work you’re practicing. Find your cheerleaders, the free resources & workshops that teach you new things, and the organizations you can put time into so they can turn around and put time into you and the larger community. Reciprocity is gold for liberation.
There are so many more that I could list, but this is a good start. Which one or few are you actively practicing or want to begin practicing? I hope they help inspire you because you deserve to feel free in your life and fall wildly in love with it.