I Am Without Children

This is for any woman who opted out of motherhood.

My biological clock doesn't tick. I do not yearn for a child. My husband and I don't feel that we would be more complete with a child. Our family is us and two cats, and we're okay with that.

I bring this up because I'm almost thirty, and many people ask if we plan to have kids. We've been asked this question since our third year dating anniversary. We're now on our tenth year (two of which we've been married). When I say, "No, we don't want kids," this is often met with, "You'll probably change your mind."

Maybe. Maybe not. Regardless, it's not in our plans. My clock ticks for a healthy body and mind. It ticks for making a difference on a larger scale rather than only in my immediate environment/home.

I know I can make a difference on a larger scale while simultaneously raising a child, but let me share something with you. I'm an all or nothing person. If I chose to have a child, that child would be my world. I would be a stay at home mom and love it. So, right now, my focus is elsewhere. My focus is so elsewhere that I would greatly deprive my child of my fullest attention. I have so much ground to cover yet.

You know what thoughts do tick away, though? What does it feel like to be pregnant? What would my body look like? What would I crave? How would Dale and I raise a child? How would we discipline it? What if it would be the next Mother Theresa? The worst thought, I will never be able to relate to my mom.

So, for anyone who may feel like I choose not to have a child because I can't stand children or think I wouldn't be a good mom, you're wrong. Children rock. They believe so much harder in possibility than we do. They love so much more purely than we do. They hold an imagination wider than the universe. I would love them something fierce.

I choose not to have kids because I like sitting down at the end of the day with my husband in silence--a silence so deeply needed after the rush of thoughts and ideas that flood my brain on an hourly basis. I choose not to have kids because I love my work too much. I choose not to have kids because I feel deeply in my gut that I was meant to be something other than Mom. What that is, I don't know, but I'll find it. I have my own pace, and I follow my instincts. Right now, I'm onto something.

And if the time comes that we have an "oops," I'd shift my life accordingly. If that time comes, and I can no longer have children, then I'll adopt.

This is well thought out, and I'm not ashamed of not choosing motherhood. You shouldn't be either. Embrace the life you've chosen, mother or not. If you find that you can't embrace it, shift accordingly.



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